Canucks Autism Network

I tried to ignore the negative things they do and the incorrect language they use but I was confronted by them, in person and was completely blindsided that I would be in the same building as them.

I will give you some backstory—I participated in a “Youth with Autism” conference which already was problematic. I don’t believe I was made aware of the events name until late.

I got to the event and saw the Canucks Autism Network setting up their table. My heart sank.

They had plastic bracelets, pins and stickers to give away to the kids. That alone disturbed me: it’s a great way to further their message to unassuming children who don’t see anything else but free stuff. That way, their disgusting puzzle piece logo gets a much further reach. It’s almost like indoctrination.

At that point I started to feel sick and anxious.

I let one of the event coordinators aware of the fact that I was incredibly uncomfortable with them being there. I told her that their logo, the association with Autism Speaks and the use of incorrect language was not okay with me.

She assured me that they wouldn’t come in contact with me. I still didn’t want to be around them and I had a bad foreboding feeling. It lingered and seemed to be warranted.

I have instructions to the kids in the art room for the project I was leading. I saw the two CAN employees making their way in to the room. At this point I started to feel increasingly more uncomfortable. They continued to come closer to me.

Ryan Yao, who I was able to identify through LinkedIn, is the director of strategic partnerships at CAN. He is the one who approached me. I did not want to talk to him at all.

The conversation went something like this:

RYAN- So, you run art workshops?

ME – Well, I haven’t run one before. This is my first.

RYAN – Is this something you plan on continuing?

ME – Maybe next year for this event.

RYAN – Is it something you would be interesting in doing (with us)?

ME – It’s a conflict of interest because you’re associated with autism speaks.

RYAN – Oh, I understand.

Then he walked away.

I was so shaken up and it felt like the conversation lasted forever.

I have called them out multiple times prior to this on Facebook, Twitter and instagram.

I really feel that it was unfair that I was subjected to being in the same place as them. Next time I participate in an event, I am going to make sure I am briefed on every detail possible so it does not happen again.

This is not the first time I have had a problem with the Canucks. Their eyewear sponsor, image optometry insults customers on yelp. It’s happened to me before. It’s incredibly contradictory to support Autistic children and be associated with a company that bullies people and continues to be unethical with their business practices.

To break it down:

1. they use improper language

2. They are associated with Autism Speaks

3. Their puzzle piece logo

4. Their AWARENESS campaign

5. Their blatant disregard for Autistic voices

Something needs to change. It’s very unfortunate that private organizations can regulate themselves. We need more government funding and better, more ethical practices that have Autistic people at the forefront.

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I was on the radio today!

A dream came true of mine. I was on the radio on my favourite network, CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation). I met Gloria Macarenko and she was so lovely! I am a HUGE CBC fan and I couldn’t believe I got to go in the part of the building where they broadcast the news, both television and radio.

The radio program was all about a Youth with Autism conference taking place tomorrow and I will be running an Art workshop. This will be the first of it’s kind for me and hopefully not the last.

If you’re interested in hearing me on the radio, the link is here.

If you happen to be outside of Canada, you can always download a free VPN like ProtonVPN and set your location to Canada to be able to listen!

My favourite content on YouTube

I asked on my Facebook page if anyone was interested in having me share some of my favourite content on YouTube and seems like the answer was YES!

I have definitely found myself becoming increasingly bored at the content that Netflix and cable create. YouTube has been a great source of original content. These are in no particular order.

Dan Bell’s Dead Mall Series

Dan Bell is definitely a film maker who has carved out a niche: he finds dead and dying malls and captures it all on video. His narration provides the viewer with lots of information and trivia.

Degrassi Jr. High

Super 80’s, Jr. High School goodness. I am in awe of some of the clothes. It’s a peek in to what Canadian tv was like for teens. It definitely helped establish the franchise.

Rachel and Jun

Rachel and Jun live in Japan. Rachel is originally American and they share all kinds of cool tidbits about living in Japan and the differences in western culture. They also have very cute cats.

Defunctland

Defunctland is all about defunct theme parks and goes through what used to be and what didn’t work. It’s really interesting to me to learn about times gone by.

Alex Meyers

Alex Meyers provides the ultimate narration on shows and movies infused with perfect comedic timing. He breaks down character flaws and plot holes in a really creative, entertaining way.

Bright Sun Films

Bright Sun Films captures my interest in abandoned, bankrupt or cancelled changes to old properties – mainly hotels and amusement parks. It’s done in a way that you can’t help but want to watch more. Perfectly narrated and very interesting.

Barcroft TV

Barcroft TV is a channel with a lot of documentary style programming. They cover all kinds of different topics that deal with different lives and lifestyles at it’s core.

VICE

Vice is pretty much the millennials guide to news and entertainment features. They’re always updating and providing new content. I am really desiring more Oobah Butler content.


Justine Leconte officiell

Justine Leconte is a French fashion designer. She provides all kinds of information about clothing quality and what to look for when you’re shopping. She is a wealth of information and can really educate people who are looking to make informed decisions when they’re shopping. I’ve already learned a lot from her!

Safiya Nygaard

Safiya Nygaard is an ex Buzzfeed video creator. They were moving in a direction that didn’t seem to work for her so she branched out and created her own channel. She has a great sense of humour and makes videos about a number of subjects including beauty, home, fashion and probably more things I can’t think of. Her and her Fiancee Tyler have great chemistry and work really well together.


Bon Appetit

I LOVE this channel so much. My favourite types of videos are ones with Claire and Carla. The majority of videos featuring Claire really showcase her talent for taking items off the shelf and making her own gourmet version of them. I love Carla’s back-to-back baking challenges with celebrities.

What channels and videos on YouTube do you like? Let me know! I’d love some suggestions.

Anxiety, take the wheel.

Do I start this off with a content warning? Candid, mental health & anxiety sweat ahead.

With that out of the way, I want to talk about a few things that i’ve been thinking about lately. You know those perfect photos you see online? It’s all smoke and mirrors. All of it. I’m completely guilty of this. I am really struggling with my mental and physical health. I have been sleeping a lot, crying a lot and just overall not being terribly productive. I am basically a fleshy paperweight.

You see this here? This is what excruciating, emotional pain looks like. This is what a half hour of makeup application and meticulously placing my bobby pins in my hair looks like. I don’t even think I even am able to effectively fake a smile.

I know, i’ve gone around and around and around and posted about stuff like this (mental illness) before, but it’s such a large part of who I am and I wish it wasn’t.

Today tested me. It put everything I have been struggling with in to one hellish mess. Firstly, I had a big emotional meltdown yesterday — that started it all. Crying and saying a lot of things I didn’t mean to someone I care about are actions I severely regret. I have a hard time regulating my emotions. I’m not medicated–and the medication I tried did not work for me. (I had a very dismissive psychiatrist.) Our mental health system is very broken and I am having a hard time accessing suitable assistance.

Back to what happened today: I went to Superstore and tested my blood pressure at the “Wellness station” in the pharmacy. My reading was 149 / 100. Not good. Not good at all.

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

We walked around a bunch because my health is not the greatest, so it was an attempt at physical activity. I was on board for this. I got a nice magenta top and then we walked over to H&M and I got a black tank top to wear under. This was an attempt at doing something nice for myself. We continued on and made a few more stops before we went in to Winners, which is owned by TJ Maxx — it’s essentially a Canadian version. I looked at some stuff. I went to go check out the Women’s clearance, and at this time I was feeling really concerned about my blood pressure reading. The thoughts were very persistent and added to the anxiety that is gnawing at my brain and tightening it’s grip on me. That induces sweat–the worst kind of sweat imaginable. I tried wedging my way in to the aisle where the clearance was and there was another customer looking at clothes. I tried to get by her and she kept looking at me. I couldn’t figure out why. Was I being rude? Was I bumping in to her and taking up too much room? What was going on? Well, I learned what it was quickly. Her eyes locked with mine, she gave me the filthiest, most disgusted look I have seen. My heart sank. She persisted to walk by me and wave her hand in the air, fanning it. I realized something: she was disgusted by the way I smelled.

I didn’t even realize it. No matter how much deodorant or anti-perspirant I put on, I still could not cover up my extreme anxiety. I was so embarrassed. Everything I wanted to see in the store, she happened to end up in that department. When I went to check out with the two items I picked up — a rust coloured top and some Schmidt’s Charcoal + Magnesium Deodorant (yes, I picked it up after this happened), GUESS WHO WAS IN FRONT OF ME IN THE LINE? Oh my god. I almost had a panic attack. On the one hand, I already felt like trash but then apparently I smelled like it too? Awful. I couldn’t even look her in the eye. I tried to maintain my distance but lines make it so that there’s a person in front of you and a person behind you. If it wasn’t for the purchases I wanted to make, I would have left right away and went back to being a hermit.

I still feel ashamed and disgusted. I obviously learned a valuable lesson today and I realize that I have to really put more effort in to the way I present myself and carry some kind of spray or something with me, even if i’m irritated by artificial smells, just to maintain some level of decency and consideration for those around me. The last thing I want is to be looked down upon by people I don’t even know because the emotional pain that it brings me just adds to the depressed and anxious feelings I already have.

Oh, and on top of that, I spent nearly 5 hours at the Emergency room in regards to my blood pressure, I had various tests done and will be following up with an outpatient clinic. I want answers or at least medication to help get it more regulated.

I definitely want today to be over.

Brand Awareness At Our Expense

When a brand like Mortgage Tree runs a contest and they utilize an Artist that is NOT AUTISTIC for a campaign, red flags are raised immediately.

There are SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS. Can you spot them all?

A contest is being run and prizes are available to those they choose. There’s not many restrictions as to who can enter.

When I say this has a lot to do with branding, Crystal Salamon deleted her original case study which revealed that only about $60 has been spent on paid ads when this campaign was run in 2017. That’s right: she’s been at it for years.

I have posted negative reviews on both Crystal’s facebook page and Mortgage Tree as well. With Mortgage tree, that lead to a very uncomfortable conversation through private messages which I try to avoid.

They’ve also VINYL WRAPPED A CAR (which was revealed after this conversation)

For more information on this campaign:

Of course, there’s plenty more links that include all the twitter and instagram pages as well as a search for their hashtags. They’ve got all their bases covered. The youtube videos are pretty bad too.

Acceptance, please?

I’m laying in bed right now, trying to desperately turn off my active mind. It’s nearly impossible to do.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

As April 1st comes to a close, i’m already struggling to come to terms with this month and the ignorance i’ve already encountered. Twitter is the place to go when you desire controversy and i’m no stranger to that.

I reside in British Columbia and we are synonymous with the NHL team, The Vancouver Canucks. Many people find them to be a source of pride and optimism, even to go so far as to say they represent Vancouver. I believed that for a long time until I became aware of the Canucks Autism Network.

It’s a great thing to want to support Autistic people but it’s another thing to utilize the puzzle piece and incorporate material sourced from Autism Speaks. They also use strange language like “families with autism” in their marketing materials. I feel like the #1 resource for those who organize these events and create the foundation for these networks and charities should be an Autistic person or even a group of Autistic people. To me, that simply is common sense.

The way these events are structured, there is a strong emphasis on family and children. A lot of the time Autistic adults are left out and not even considered. It’s as if they believe Autistic adults don’t exist. Hello! We’re here. We exist. We have opinions, thoughts, feelings that we would love to share with you. We’re human too!

I also saw that they are working with Microsoft’s Vancouver Office. For a while, I wanted to reach out and collaborate with Microsoft and I couldn’t even find a viable way to contact the right department. I was given a telephone number, I tried to exhaust internal contacts and I couldn’t get to the right person. I wonder if it’s purposely inaccessible? Microsoft has a program to hire Autistic people and yet the company is virtually unreachable.

Between Canucks Autism Network, Autism Support BC and Surf’s Up For Autism, amongst many others, we continue to be coloured blue and puzzled. I feel as though they don’t know the negative connotations or simply don’t care. If you want to help us, ask us. Put it out there on twitter. Have a focus group with Autistic people of different ages. ASK US FIRST. If you’re running a contest with a colouring page for Autism, hire an Autistic artist.

Autism Awareness Month SUCKS.

It’s ALMOST HERE GUYS, the time of the year I absolutely freakin’ hate. Did you know that Autism Speaks even has a whole guide of how to use their logo? (They took down the website but I linked a cached version because they can’t outsmart me!)

There’s mortgage companies running contests complete with puzzle pieces and artwork done by a non-autistic person.

It’s also the time of the year that my local car dealership puts up some heinous banner on the inside and outside of their building.

There’s also pretty crude donors, ignorant ambassadors, poorly thought out sponsorships and William Shatner’s gaslighting of Autistics on Twitter amongst all the things we already have to deal with.

Here’s what you can do instead:

Here are some pertinent links about why Autism Speaks & April is so bad:

Seeking Member Submissions

for the Made By Autistics Community! I am starting a website and may buy a domain name soon (if I can afford it!). I would love to feature more people.

https://madebyautistics.wordpress.com/members/

Join us on Facebook. The community page will have more information on how to submit.

The Crippling Severity Of Mental Illness

I have always been very open about the mental illnesses I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. I’m not trying to plan a “pity party” or attract negative attention to myself. I’m just trying to find a way to decompress, even if it’s just temporary.

The tension in my chest feels like a bubble that you can’t pop. It sits in my chest, nestled right above my breasts in the centre. it’s below my neck. I am tense.

I can’t think very straight. Recently, I made a very abrupt, irrational decisions to approach a person from my past and said things I don’t mean. Just today I was working in a poor employment condition and I blamed it on myself. I quit the work I was doing because I started internalizing everything that was going on and felt that if I resigned, that was me taking the blame for what was going on and being responsible, even though what was happening was mostly beyond my control. I don’t feel very good. I also feel as though i’m lacking any intellectual value.

I wish I had the option of having an “away from keyboard” moment for my life. I just need the opportunity to disconnect and relax. I can’t seem to do that. The sound of a text message, the sick feeling I get when I anticipate a negative response through an email or even just how I feel when people are impolite towards me – it makes me physically ill. I’m talking about: blurred vision, profuse sweating, vision distortion, light sensitivity, a feeling of dizziness/wobbliness, nausea and headache. I used to cry a lot as a child. I had a reputation for it and looking back, it was my body’s coping and defense mechanism.

It emotionally hurts me when I try so hard to communicate and clarify things I am saying and the response I am met with is an eye roll. I already feel like just speaking and having to “think on the fly” is the worst way for me to get my thoughts out. Whether it’s in person or on the phone, my mind hits in to overdrive and I start flapping my lips. The thought process is skewed and the results are not always becoming.

I spend time at home, hanging out with my cats. I sleep a lot. I’m trying to do positive things that will make a difference, but the worry is always still there in the forefront of my mind. The obsessive tendencies I have, like checking/looking for things, thinking about misplaced items and other repetitive thoughts are worsening. The flashbacks of my traumatic youth interject themselves in things as simple as self-care routines, which is a detrimental setback. The fact I can’t take a bubble bath without these visions of being verbally abused is a really painful reminder that I still have so far to go. I am not hesitant to find a professional to help me through these things, I just don’t know where to start. It would be nice to have that chance without being reprimanded and grilled on all the things I discussed.

Even if I don’t have a visible wound, I am still badly hurting inside.

Made By Autistics!

After being beaten down this week (see my last two posts) and feeling absolutely hellish, I wanted to do something good, something creative and something NICE!

I have found there to be a severe lack of opportunity for my Art locally and I can only imagine that other people have felt the same so I created the Made By Autistics Marketplace on facebook to give people the chance to sell their art, wares and other things they’ve created to anybody willing to join the group. I coined the phrase “By Autistic People For Everyone” to really outline what i’m going for.

I would love for you to join us at https://www.facebook.com/groups/MadeByAutistics/