Holiday Heights at Bloedel Conservatory

I want to thank the Vancouver Park Board for giving me the chance to attend this beautiful event.

The Bloedel Floral Conservatory first opened it’s doors in 1969 and has been delighting families ever since. It had been an especially long time since I had been – probably over 15 years! I was in awe of the plants and the birds! The gorgeous lights that have been added to make holiday heights come to life. 

We were warmly greeted and asked if we wanted to participate in the scavenger hunt. OF COURSE. No hesitation. Find all the GNOMES?! YES! In case you didn’t know, I love garden gnomes. I think it has to do with my fascination of all things kitsch. 

The birds are stunning and wonderful to see. For me, it evokes memories of my past. I grew up in a house full of pets. One of them was Arthur. Arthur was a blue and gold macaw who absolutely loved my mom. They were inseparable. 

Arthur now lives at the conservatory and I stopped by and talked to him. I could tell that he remembered me. He was family, after all. 

We approached a photo wall, complete with hashtag and beautiful flowers. Couldn’t help but snap some shots! Insta-worthy moment.

I noticed that some of the trees had very eclectic decorations. Shells and other kinds of natural wonder adorning them. Things like this please me because they give me artistic ideas and I love the fact that they are so unique.  

If you want to visit this glowing, tropical attraction that is sure to awe you, all the lovely details can be found here! https://vancouver.ca/parks-recreation-culture/holiday-heights.aspx

Thanks for reading and have the happiest of holidays! 

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Reliving my (painful) past

I want to preface this post by saying that these are things i’ve experienced and at the time of writing this, I do not have a PTSD diagnosis. I, in no way, want to make those with a proper diagnosis feel less than or devalued in any way.

Often times I find myself in these dizzying spells with negative thoughts running rampant. They flood my mind: terrible, painful memories that I wish would vanish.

Discovering deceased pets, multiple instances of being bullied which included: thumbtacks, sharp side up- They would be left on my chair with an audience that consisted of my entire class, watching and waiting to see if I would notice and sit on it, purposely having dodgeballs thrown at my face, having friends-of-friends find out personal details about me and they would attempt to humiliate and berate me based on it, being excluded from birthday parties, having the whole class turn against me while the teacher was out of the room – that’s just some of the bullying that occurred during my elementary school years. Can’t forget the workplace bullying with all kinds of instances that included customers yelling at me, management making me cry or not believing things I say (I am very honest) and being fired – which was one of the most humiliating things i’ve ever lived through, co-workers being nasty to me for reasons i’ll never know.

I also can’t forget all the things my Father did: the daily verbal abuse, screaming so loud that you could hear him down the block, chasing me to my bedroom and holding the door closed so I couldn’t leave, yelling at me for questioning things he said and having friends witness his emotionally destructive behaviour which was embarrassing and continued to pile the stress on top of me. 

This is just a small portion of the hundreds, maybe thousands of memories that flow through my mind.

Even though I had the support of my Sisters and my Mum, I still felt so alone and depressed. I didn’t think I would survive so I failed to look after myself. I think sadness was one of the first emotions I remember experiencing.

I want these painful memories to subside. Easier said than done. I can’t seem to shake off things that happened as far back as I can remember. 

People often say things like “Forgive and forget”, “don’t dwell on your past”, “move on” and “live in the present”. It’s NOT THAT EASY. Diminishing the valid feelings of those who often have to suffer in silence is not something that sits well with me. It’s hard enough to allow those feelings to come to the surface, let alone feel comfortable enough with anyone to actually allow the words of pain to flow out of ones mouth. It’s a PRIVILEGE to listen to such agony. I don’t think it’s okay to interject comments telling someone to forget, move on and live in the present. It makes things worse.

I have reached out to some people that have caused me pain and forever haunt me in my memories and I was unsuccessful. I also was left feeling as though what happened was my fault. I do my best to cope.

Forgiveness is so much harder than its made out to be and it has stages that are very similar to grief. I would say that one of my biggest faults or personality flaws would be the severity of my anxiety. Many thoughts continue to haunt me, not only during my waking hours but even during my sleep.

I’m talking about those nights where my mind and my heart feel like they are racing in unison.

Trying to fall asleep, I toss and turn. Sometimes, I wake up at 3am and lay there, trying so hard to go back and sleep peacefully when my mind is at war with it’s self. My body becomes warm, clammy and my night sweats are the worst. I try to find something to think about or something to do. If one of my cats happens to be awake I will gravitate towards them; their soft hair, their therapeutic purring – it helps me stay mindful, it’s calming, it puts me at ease.

Every day is a new chapter but my story starts with pain and my book is still being written. There’s still a chance for happiness.


Sippin’ hot drinks!

I have been enjoying a lot of hot chocolate and teas while frantically entering Christmas contests. It’s that time of year again and it happens to be one of my most enjoyable hobbies. Seriously. I do this…!

I did some more background work on film where I was dressed up all 80s and it was WILD. I didn’t realize my hair could get that big.

I also was featured on GEEK CLUB BOOKS and they’ve been so kind to post me on their social channels. I would love if you could read the article here: https://geekclubbooks.com/2018/11/impactful-blogs-navigating-life/

Lastly, I actually drew something that conveys my hyper-awareness & anxiety all at the very same time: 

I have been thinking of some articles i would like to write so i’m just kind of waiting for that BURST of creativity to hit me so I can get it done. I haven’t neglected my blog. I always fear people are going to think i’ve abandoned it. That’s just not the case.

New ABOUT ME video!

I’m honestly not sure if my microphone even worked, it was plugged in.. Hopefully the sound is okay for my viewers!

 

It’s not easy – but it’s worth it!

I LOVE working on my blog!

affection appreciation decoration design

Photo by Carl Attard on Pexels.com

I will admit that it’s incredibly hard work and I face a fair bit of negativity and rejection. There has been a lot of positivity, as well! I can’t believe all the opportunities I have had and continue to have. It’s amazing!

With that being said, I also do NOT make a single dollar off it. Not one.


In order to do so, I would have to:

  • Host my own blog, which is expensive! I would then be able to initiate google analytics.
  • Affiliate links and Ads
  • Charge brands to work with me in exchange for content creation. I can’t do this because my traffic is not significant enough.
  • Sell some Art. That means REALLY sell Art. Not just false leads aka. interested customers but no transactions.

There’s various ways you can help me:

  • Share my content
  • Sign up through my Ebates / Swagbucks links on the right hand side of my blog
  • “Buy me a Coffee” – Monetary Donation
  • Buy some of my art

Believe me, I have been brainstorming! I do whatever I can to make a good go-of-things but I currently work VERY infrequently and I am always wanting to create more and more content.

Thanks to all my amazing viewers, friends, family, #actuallyautistic community and brands/venues that have been kind enough to collaborate with me.

For Us Without Us

Brand New Video!

Interested in supporting me?

art sale

Are you interested in buying art? Do you know someone who is?

Please share! Price reflected in image is for shipping within the USA through USPS.

If you’re local to Vancouver/Surrey/Langley I have some lower priced options and I will meet up with you. Payment would be in Canadian dollars.

Meowbox Unboxing // Art Pictures!

Figured i’d put these together in one post!

Thank you MEOWBOX, you made Buddy & Ruby so happy.

 

 

Here’s some of my art, each and every piece is up for sale so feel free to contact me if you’re interested:

Public Transportation

woman standing in bus

Photo by Darcy Lawrey on Pexels.com

Taking transit requires me to mask, even if I don’t think about it.

I am forced to take on traits that are seemingly exclusive for those who are classified as neurotypical. I have to be confident, organized and seemingly comfortable with everything around me.

The crowds, the chatter, the uneven lighting, the sound of the skytrain screeching along the tracks, the announcements, rude bus drivers, the varying smells and sometimes putrid odors. It may very well seem like i am complaining but I am constantly reminded that the world  is not built for me. I am left handed and i’m autistic – which can feel like a double whammy.

Often times, when i am exposed to many different sensory inputs, I must decompress. I have to sleep a whole lot and often times I don’t feel like talking. My attention span suffers too, i can’t even sit through a 22 minute episode of a television show that I usually enjoy. I have to commend myself through the carsickness that seems to overcome me a whole lot recently.

I am constantly reminded of how hard merely existing is. It makes me incredibly fatigued.

 

Kim’s Convenience

I would like to thank Pacific Theatre in Vancouver for giving me complimentary tickets in exchange for my review.

Kim’s Convenience should be considered a Canadian treasure at this point.

With the incredible success of the televised series on CBC, I felt as though it was important for me to see the stage version of which the show is based.

Written by Ins Choi, there is so much going for it. The brilliant acting, the storyline of immigrants finding their success in Canada, the multiculturalism and family relations, the point is really driven home; we all have our own stories to tell. The play revolves around Mr. Kim, a Korean Father of two and loving husband who runs his own convenience store in Toronto, Ontario.

Kims_014

The audience gets to experience Mr Kim’s ups & downs, comedic banter and his strained relationship with his Son, Jung.

I laughed, I cried and I wholeheartedly felt that many people could relate to this very Canadian story.

Janet, Mr. Kim’s daughter is an aspiring photographer who grapples with the fact that the store may be her imminent future which leaves her with a bit of anger towards her father, who proves that he has done so much for her.

Being such a huge fan of the show, I really felt that this experience was part of my true fandom experience.

The television show is another thing that I would like to strongly advocate for, it’s on CBC (and Netflix) and has run for two seasons. Season three is coming up in January and I can not wait. My Boyfriend and I were first in line at the fan screening in Calgary.

You’ll see us 8-9 seconds in.

I also was overjoyed to see Paul Sun-Hyung Lee, Mr. Kim from the TV Show joining us for the performance at the theatre.

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