There’s been times where I have had my confidence mistaken for cockiness. It’s not intentional and I feel as though a lot of it has to do with my tone of voice. My tone of voice has to do a lot with an attempt to mask and be like everyone else when I speak. It’s apparent that I don’t do the best job.
I had this one instance, about 8 or so years ago where I was getting interviewed for this live painting thing and it was on camera. One of the other participants from another team kept looking at her friend, wide-eyed and probably threw in a couple eye rolls as well. I’m pretty sure this was because she thought I was conveying myself in a fashion that made me seem as though I was very full of myself. Of course, that wasn’t my intention. I just felt confident at the time.
How does an Autistic Individual convey confidence and not seem self absorbed? Honestly?! I don’t know. Maybe I need to change my tone, change my walk, change everything about me? It’s an assumption, clearly. I believe neurotypical people will perceive me in one way and neurodiverse people will perceive me in another way and there’s nothing I can do about that.
There are times I feel really down on myself and feel like I missed an opportunity. My Art went viral on imgur and I didn’t make a single sale on my etsy store. It wasn’t my intention to sell art, I didn’t even include the link initially, but I do have to say that it was a bit of a blow to my confidence level. I still haven’t sold anything on there, this time around.
It’s one of those things where there’s such a fine line and you have to teeter between the two to figure out where it is you stand. Sometimes, I have to remember to remind myself that it doesn’t matter what people think of me and that make sure to stay true to who I am.
I never created art with the intention of sale. I create art because of the natural process and the welcome distraction it brings. Although, the more interest I get, the more i’ve felt like it would be the perfect opportunity to put some pieces up for purchase. I am a terrible closer. I actually have sold some pieces through instagram, but I am having a difficult time getting any finalized sales through my Etsy store. I will fully admit that pricing my work is a difficult feat. I want it to be accessible for people but I also don’t want to undervalue the work and materials i’ve put in to each and every one. With that being said, i’m completely willing to work with any budget if someone truly desires to acquire some of my art.
I’ve e-mailed different venues and now i’m waiting to hear back. Not only physical venues, but print as well. There’s no “one size fits all resource” that can tell me of places to submit my art or local cafes’ that display it, i’m completely reliant on google at this point and some kind people on reddit who have given me some great suggestions. I’m very thankful.
I want to mention I have seen the call to artists on Opus’ website and Alliance for Arts, but a lot of those are juried shows and/or require a fee and that’s not something that I am financially able to do. I just paid Etsy six dollars and change in fees – with no sale to recoup those funds. (Fingers crossed)
If you have any ideas for me-I would absolutely love to hear them!
I did hear a suggestion to have prints for sale but it’s kind of hard to scan my art. If you see the image in this post, that’s what a 9×12 looks like scanned. You can see all the bumps from the canvas board and it’s not attractive. If I take a physical photo, there’s always lighting problems and issues with the dimensions or taking a perfectly straight photo, where the canvas isn’t warped.
I would love a mentor or an artistic partner but right now I am pretty self-reliant. I wouldn’t even know how to go about that.
Ever since I was young, I have always been surrounded by Art in some shape or form.
My Mother would spend a fair amount of her time at her light table, working on inscriptions she was hired to do. Her expert hand-painted watercolour images and master calligraphy beautifully came together in a harmonious display.
It was a memory I won’t soon forget. I really enjoyed art class in my early years. It was one of the only classes I didn’t have to stress over. I knew I would not fail.
Museums and galleries are some of my favourite places to visit. I have had the pleasure of visiting not only local galleries but galleries abroad. I’ve been to the Louvre in Paris and the Gemeentemuseum in The Hague, Netherlands. A shining moment for me was being able to see Piet Mondrian’s work in person. That brought me a lot of joy.
I started really getting in to my own art around the time I was transitioning from a teenager in to an adult. It was a reliable source of comfort and expression.
I find that having the ability to integrate my activism with my art has been a great way to build bridges and bring my many messages to the forefront.
My process of creating very rarely relies on an idea. It generally is a subconscious, intuitive movement, picking up colours and seeing what happens. It amazes me that I am able to make such vibrant pieces of work even in my darkest moods. It’s nice to have an outlet to help me cope with my depression and anxiety.
I still long for more immersive art experiences. I also really enjoy watching theatrical performances and some genres of live music. I think that getting to absorb creative expression is one of the best ways to get inspired.
I currently have a piece of art up at the JCC Vancouver’s Community Longing & Belonging exhibit. Tonight was the grand opening of the exhibit and a lot of people made it out. I was happy to share the space with so many talented artists, some of which included my Mother, who painted a Hamsa and birdhouses, as well as my two Sisters, one picture missing. My younger Sister used a pouring technique.
I was also interviewed by an old school friend of mine, Alison, for Co-Op Radio which will be on this Sunday.
I was taking a photo of myself with my art and lingering around the same general area when a Lady came up to me and started talking. I can’t recall the exact conversation but it got to a point where I tried multiple times to end it. Being an Autistic Person is part of my identity and I harbour no shame towards that. I believe I may have introduced myself as an Autistic Artist. This Lady was very forward with the things she said, some of which included how we shouldn’t label ourselves and how she does not believe in that. I was saying it’s part of who I am. I can’t remember what else I said but she was still persistent. I felt really invalidated and upset but I didn’t want to show those feelings.
If someone wants to refer to themselves as the way they identify, there’s no reason for someone else to decide that for them. I wasn’t saying anything negative about myself! I find it empowering because it’s a celebration of what Autistic people are capable of and bringing light to how diverse we can all be.
I just want to add that i’ve felt incredibly depressed lately and my emotional sensitivity is taking a beating. I can’t handle very much and I am in no mood to argue. It completely depletes me of any energy I was harbouring.
I was able to channel my negative mood in to some new pieces of art that are very bright, happy and positive.
I have been enjoying a lot of hot chocolate and teas while frantically entering Christmas contests. It’s that time of year again and it happens to be one of my most enjoyable hobbies. Seriously. I do this…!
I did some more background work on film where I was dressed up all 80s and it was WILD. I didn’t realize my hair could get that big.
Lastly, I actually drew something that conveys my hyper-awareness & anxiety all at the very same time:
I have been thinking of some articles i would like to write so i’m just kind of waiting for that BURST of creativity to hit me so I can get it done. I haven’t neglected my blog. I always fear people are going to think i’ve abandoned it. That’s just not the case.