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https://madebyautistics.wordpress.com/members/

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The Crippling Severity Of Mental Illness

I have always been very open about the mental illnesses I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. I’m not trying to plan a “pity party” or attract negative attention to myself. I’m just trying to find a way to decompress, even if it’s just temporary.

The tension in my chest feels like a bubble that you can’t pop. It sits in my chest, nestled right above my breasts in the centre. it’s below my neck. I am tense.

I can’t think very straight. Recently, I made a very abrupt, irrational decisions to approach a person from my past and said things I don’t mean. Just today I was working in a poor employment condition and I blamed it on myself. I quit the work I was doing because I started internalizing everything that was going on and felt that if I resigned, that was me taking the blame for what was going on and being responsible, even though what was happening was mostly beyond my control. I don’t feel very good. I also feel as though i’m lacking any intellectual value.

I wish I had the option of having an “away from keyboard” moment for my life. I just need the opportunity to disconnect and relax. I can’t seem to do that. The sound of a text message, the sick feeling I get when I anticipate a negative response through an email or even just how I feel when people are impolite towards me – it makes me physically ill. I’m talking about: blurred vision, profuse sweating, vision distortion, light sensitivity, a feeling of dizziness/wobbliness, nausea and headache. I used to cry a lot as a child. I had a reputation for it and looking back, it was my body’s coping and defense mechanism.

It emotionally hurts me when I try so hard to communicate and clarify things I am saying and the response I am met with is an eye roll. I already feel like just speaking and having to “think on the fly” is the worst way for me to get my thoughts out. Whether it’s in person or on the phone, my mind hits in to overdrive and I start flapping my lips. The thought process is skewed and the results are not always becoming.

I spend time at home, hanging out with my cats. I sleep a lot. I’m trying to do positive things that will make a difference, but the worry is always still there in the forefront of my mind. The obsessive tendencies I have, like checking/looking for things, thinking about misplaced items and other repetitive thoughts are worsening. The flashbacks of my traumatic youth interject themselves in things as simple as self-care routines, which is a detrimental setback. The fact I can’t take a bubble bath without these visions of being verbally abused is a really painful reminder that I still have so far to go. I am not hesitant to find a professional to help me through these things, I just don’t know where to start. It would be nice to have that chance without being reprimanded and grilled on all the things I discussed.

Even if I don’t have a visible wound, I am still badly hurting inside.

Made By Autistics!

After being beaten down this week (see my last two posts) and feeling absolutely hellish, I wanted to do something good, something creative and something NICE!

I have found there to be a severe lack of opportunity for my Art locally and I can only imagine that other people have felt the same so I created the Made By Autistics Marketplace on facebook to give people the chance to sell their art, wares and other things they’ve created to anybody willing to join the group. I coined the phrase “By Autistic People For Everyone” to really outline what i’m going for.

I would love for you to join us at https://www.facebook.com/groups/MadeByAutistics/

Time for me to boycott.

If I say I don’t want to be on the phone then please respect me.

I have been dealing with some of the worst customer service I think i’ve ever experienced in my life. I visited a popular shoe store that is geared towards youth with popular brands like Vans and Converse, to name a few.

It takes a lot out of me, energy-wise to even get out of bed, get ready, and leave the house. I decided to go to the mall – which I rarely do and it was a huge mistake.

I walked in to this store, the teenage sales associates were standing around, three of them, conversing. I actually had to interrupt their conversation to ask a question. No one wants to have to do that. It also was a Sunday and I was the only customer in the store. The last time I went to this mall and walked by this store, their sales associate was sitting on the cash table, legs dangling down towards the entrance. This should have been a red flag, but it wasn’t.

I wrote both their social media and their email and received form email responses. Nothing says “I don’t care about your patronage” by copying and pasting a pretty generic message – especially after spending the time to actually file a complaint and give them room to rectify the issue. From what i’ve read, it seems like their customer service, generally speaking, is pretty awful.

There was a few other issues, but i’ll spare you the details.

What really gets me from all these interactions is that someone from head office called me and our conversation went sour, fast:

  • Her: Hi this is __ at Journeys , who am I speaking to?
  • Me: It’s Margaux calling you back
  • Her: So I know you’ve spoken with Ryan, or social media team etc and i’m just not sure…(i can’t remember the rest)
  • Me: Yes. I don’t feel comfortable on the phone, can you email me?
  • Her: I’ll be short with it
  • Me: I’m on the Autism Spectrum, i’m really not comfortable on the phone, can you email me?
  • Her: I’m sorry, i’ll do that

Well, that email never came. I decided to contact the highest-up person I had been corresponding with through email and I was shocked at the response:

This was the response I received back

I was already visibly upset and after receiving this response I feel even worse now – but that’s not the first time they have refused to respect an Autistic Person:



I’ve also read cases of racial profiling, emails being ignored, product fulfillment gone wrong and a lot of customers vowing to never shop there again.

This makes me pose a pretty important question, If you are getting NEGATIVE feedback from Customers, wouldn’t you want to address them personally, rectify the issue, LEARN from it and improve? I don’t think it matters because their quarterly profits increased and in the end that’s all that is important to them.What you can do to help:

What you can do to help:

The unsavoury world of celebrity influence

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Celebrities – you know them. They can be kind, generous, and approachable. They can also be crude, negative and bigheaded. In this case, the latter applies.

Yesterday was an absolute firestorm on twitter and it all started with a joke: Someone posed the question of what they should wear when going to meet William Shatner. Someone else responded by saying “A Boycott Autism Speaks Shirt!”. William personally found this tweet and followed it up with the tweet you see here.

Victoria responded and Shatner viewed that as a threat – which is completely ironic due to the statement he made in the above tweet.

It also appears that this is not the first time he has become very hostile towards someone who was asking a very genuine question about their Autistic child.

I wonder where his publicist is and how his unprofessional behaviour has not reached the mainstream media. If you are going to attack a marginalized group of people, defend Autism Speaks and expect that the #ActuallyAutistic community is going to be quiet, you’ve got another thing coming. A lot of his fans are blindly following him and hanging on to his every word, without doing research on the subject. They are attacking us and creating an extremely stressful environment because of their perceived allyship to Mr. Shatner. I would only hope that asking for donations to ASAN would be welcomed, but sadly that is just not the case.

Bold opinions and unnecessary apologies

I added to my anxiety today and it was my own fault. At this moment I am waiting for a bus and the sun is beaming down on the back of my legs. This long awaited warmth is not eclipsing my overwhelming feel of regret and embarrassment.

I learned a very big lesson today: I don’t ever have to apologize for offending people in regard to my strong, personal beliefs. 

Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com
Continue reading

Birch + Fog Review

I was provided me with a gift card to put towards the products of my choice and the opinions are my own.

Birch + Fog is a rising star in the online cannabis space. They provide the ease of shopping at home and having it delivered to your doorstep in a very quick fashion. They are Vancouver based and have a very luxe feel to their website and marketing strategies. There are lots of unique products I have never seen before.

With that being said, there are a few things they can work on. I’m not sure what legal grey area they operate in. I don’t believe they have any government licensing. At this point, their location of operation is untracable. The packaging is very vague and there is no certification on the products i’ve seen.

In terms of flower being sold, The Roll Model CBD Mango Haze says it’s 60% Sativa/40% indica and lab tested. It does not indicate what dispensary has grown the flower. I have purchased this same strain from the government and the percentages of CBD & THC are different and it indicates it’s a Sativa. Perhaps each individual grower comes out with different statistics on their products when they are tested? I’m not sure.

The customer service is very friendly, but they do need to work on their communication time. I found that the facebook discussions I had left something to be desired and the auto-reply becomes very redundant. Probably best to contact them directly.

I’m not saying it’s all bad but I wanted to write a realistic view of the experience I personally had. Some people want to support indie companies and NOT the Government and I completely understand. I wish we, as a whole, would embrace these small businesses so that they can grow, flourish, hire more people and continue to improve.

If you’re interested in purchasing from them and testing it out for yourself, the website is www.birchandfog.com and you can use my coupon code NAVIGATINGLIFE for $20 off your very first order!

#Puppetgate

Please Support Autistic People and STOP misrepresenting us.

Our voices are so incredibly important and we should not be invalidated. If you are a Neurotypical representing Autistics, please consult with us first. Consider our voices. Don’t exploit us for profit or speak about us in an incorrect or disrespectful fashion. If we call you out, don’t utilize it for your own personal gain. Listen. Respect. Consider. Consult. There’s plenty of things you can do to show us that you care.

Sensory Goods!

Sensory Goods was kind enough to send me a Weighted Neck Wrap!

Product can be found here

Here’s my previous review on their weighted blanket.

Influential enough for you?

Consume Media or Create Media?

I have been seeing the term “micro influencer” used more frequently and I have come to realize it’s the perfect label.

Micro Influencers have a smaller reach and are focused on a specific topic, which perfectly explains what I do. I have been trying to build up my audience but it’s slow and steady, not as fast as I thought it would be.

I always have the hope that someone will reach out to me and offer me a great opportunity without me being the first to contact and in the last couple days I have received emails for 2 potential collaborations.I got frustrated about those messages. One was in regards to a business that is run by a Neurotypical person who used all the wrong language about Autistic People and it seems to be based on that whole inspiration porn format. The other one is a supplement that apparently helps adults and children “with Autism” and they want to get in front of my audience. Regardless of the efficacy, it’s not something i’m comfortable peddling. There’s no financial agreement I would make to sell you all something like this. With that being said, I am NOT seeing any monetary gain from my website.

I felt like I hit a dead end yesterday. I contacted one of the largest tech companies around and I had a great idea to pitch. I received an email back from the PR company representing them and was told they only deal with the press. That made me feel very defeated and frustrated. The first thought that popped in my head was “do I need certification to prove i’m press?”, I posed this question on my facebook and A fellow blogger said it’s all about building those connections and that specific press certification does not exist. I’m confused that none of my collaborations that i’ve successfully initiated are worthy of me being considered press. I attempt to find other ways to contact different companies and I end up reaching their customer service support and they don’t know where to direct me. If they do direct me somewhere, it’s a telephone number, which is not an accessible option (that’s a whole other problem) and I can’t form proper thoughts when i’m speaking on the phone. I’ve been called “honey” or “sweetie” in a condescending fashion before, i’ve called and been told they don’t know what to do with my questions or requests or I end up catching someone completely off guard and I get very confused. I still have a hard time with regulating the tone of my voice and having “normal” conversations.

I believe when given the chance, I can create pretty engaging content. I’m getting more comments on my YouTube channel each day and it really lifts my spirits.

I’m Neurodiverse, I’m AUTISTIC and I think differently. I just hope people take note that if someone wants to talk through email or text messages that it’s not an inferior form of communication. This is who I am. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about me, although i’m very used to it.

Whether I influence you or not, that’s okay. If you’ve interacted with me, thank you. If i’m feeling low–writing, creating art and connecting on social media are things that are vital to my wellbeing and personal expression. I hope you continue to join me on my unique journey.