Big Updates!

It has been over half a year since i’ve updated this blog and so many incredible things have happened to me since!

I participated in Kickstart Disability Arts & Cultures “Murals without Walls” that was a partnership with the Vancouver Mural Festival. It was amazing to be able to paint something on a large scale.

It was painted on a large piece of wood that was displayed during the duration of the mural festival – and it also has been blown up and will be displayed until January 2022 on Main and 7th in Vancouver BC. I named it “Floral Love”.

I also have been participating in many markets. I vended at the Vancouver Mural Festival, Made in the 604 at Heritage Hall, The Nooks Market and VHS Market. It has been a true joy getting out there, meeting people and being able to show people what disabled people are capable of.

Photo of my table by Matt Taylor

One of the biggest things that happened this summer was the inaugural WE BELONG! Market, organized by my sister and I. We held it in Downtown Vancouver and it was all made possible by at Downtown Vancouver BIA Vibrancy grant. Also, Kristina (VHS Markets) was able to help us out by making tables and canopies easily accessible and available for us.

We garnered so much press which you can view here (it’s probably the most updated thing on this site!)

I have so many things coming up and I haven’t missed a beat. I’ll be moderating and presenting BCPF’s panel, Entrepreneurship & Disabled Small Business Owners in BC on September 22nd – https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/bcpf-panel-entrepreneurship-disabled-small-business-ownership-in-bc-tickets-412475965717

I’ve introduced many new items and opened up my own standalone store,

www.shopretrophiliac.com

It’s September so i’m running a sale – 15% off for my BIRTHDAYMONTH (which is the code you can use!)

I will be vending at many events in October and December – Still working on trying to book some for November. All this information can be found at facebook.com/retrophiliac and http://www.instagram.com/retrophiliacart

What else? I’m a participating artist at the Vancouver Outsiders Art Festival, i’ll have a big announcement coming soon about one of my items and i’m in 32 retailers between Canada & the USA.

-Margaux

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Autistic Adults exist!

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

It’s happened to me twice in the last couple of months. Being an Autistic adult and being completely excluded from events that involve Autistic/Neurodivergent children and their parents.

I don’t want anyone to think that i’m negating the importance of a parents role in their child’s life, and the fact that Autism is genetic. More likely than not, the parents are neurodivergent.

However, when it comes to Autistic advocates who happen to be adults, myself and many others are often left out of the narrative, planning and the conversations that go on.

Recently, I challenged a local group because they were running a “Let’s talk Neurodiversity” panel with professionals who work closely with neurodivergent youth, but not a single neurodivergent adult was actually included in the conversation. When I asked why and explained that when you’re talking about a marginalized group, but you choose to ACTIVELY and CONSCIOUSLY exclude the people from that very group that you’re discussing, the response I was met with was “But it’s for parents”, repeatedly.

I was not pleased with this. Finally, I was allowed to do an introduction and was told i’d be part of the conversation. This was not the case, I did my introduction and was left out of the rest of it. I was told i’d be part of the question and answer session at the end and I was not.

This week, I was made aware of an Autism Acceptance Day event going on at the Museum of Vancouver through a facebook advertisement. I asked them if any Autistic adults were involved in any of the planning, and through multiple messages, it was made clear to me that it wasn’t the case.

The most ironic realization I have come to is that these organizations and events work so very hard to make a point of including families with neurodivergent children and providing events and resources for their children, but the idea that their children are going to grow up and become adults seems to be lost on them. I wonder how we’re supposed to truly empower children if they realize that when they become adults, that they’ll be seemingly excluded from anything related to Autism.

It’s important to do better, create opportunities and empower each other, instead of touting inclusion and diversity and leaving out an important demographic.

Making waves and making change

I have been incredibly busy these past couple weeks. I spoke at an online advocacy convention on September 26th, reflecting on my experiences in the education system. I wanted to focus on the fact that I, someone who dropped out in 11th grade and ended up getting my GED, was still able to be successful and thrive. I wanted the parents who were participating to understand that their child’s success in the school system will not necessary determine their success in the future. Not everyone thrives in a regimented system.

Then, on September 30th, I spoke at the BC Legislatures Provincial Budget meeting (at the 02:05 – Two hour and five minute mark) https://twitter.com/BCLegislature/status/1443671164690173960 in regards to being a disabled person and a small business owner. I spoke about being self-employed and the lack of support and was asked by one of our MLAs to submit a letter. I just wrote it and emailed it off.

I’m so passionate about highlighting our voices because we are left out of the narrative. The press releases for September’s British Columbia DisabilIty Employment month didn’t include one quote from disabled small business owners or self employed people. It just included quotes from people who hire us. It’s frustrating to know that there are folks out there who didn’t even know we exist and thus, by default, didn’t choose to include us in this very important conversation.

I wrote two articles as well, one here in regards to inclusive employment and being self employed and one here about disability and entrepreneurship.

I also want to share that i’m almost completely sold out of my Neurodiversity Pride Pins in the regular size. At the time of posting this, I only have 11 left. That means i’ve sold nearly 200. I have more on the way in the upcoming weeks but if they do sell out, I also have the mini, 1 inch version available.

Did you know that I released a new style of pin?

This is my “Flower Power” collection! I also have matching stickers and patches will be arriving October 4th. You can find these items at retrophiliac.etsy.com, alongside many other items I have available. Every time a purchase is made, it further ensures that I am able to live my dreams and hopefully be given the chance to help other people who want to be on the same path of independence that I am on.

I also secured my 10th retailer! I am grateful that I reached this amazing milestone, alongside other milestones to celebrate:

-Over 500 sales this year alone

-Over 1000 sales in total

-Over 200 five star reviews

And, I also celebrated my 33rd birthday and felt more accomplished than ever.

Now, to fight the good fight and continue advocating for disabled small business owners and self employed people. I’m not going to stop, i’m just going to keep pushing forward! Thank you for navigating this journey with me.

-Margaux

What’s new?

I have a mish-mash of updates.

First up: Accessible Employers has been avoiding me for a few weeks now. I do think I found them mentioned in a government budget report article. It seems like they are still being very hesitant to be open about their budget. Which means one thing: They are a FOR-PROFIT BUSINESS. If they were a non-profit, they’d be on the charity database websites and would have to disclose their financial reports.

Secondly: I was a vendor at a market on the weekend and I was so excited to connect with new people and make a few sales.

Photo by Aleywey on instagram

I also was interviewed by Rachel and Hiiro from the Getting Jewcy Podcast. We had so much fun chatting and I was so thankful I got to speak about things that i’ve been talking about on this blog, too.

I also released a few new designs in my shop:

These can be found at www.etsy.com/shop/retrophiliac.

I’m also speaking tomorrow (July 19th) for BCPF’s panel on housing and more information can be found here: https://bcpeoplefirst.com/events

That’s all for now!

Autistics I like!

Here’s a video of some Autistic folx I really am fond of. I would also like to mention Onikage from Aut-ish & John Greally!

Also want to apologize for not having any new, wordy posts up. I haven’t had the mental capacity for it lately.

Multiple things to discuss!

I created a new video on a couple things that I felt needed to be addressed:

My facebook page, facebook.com/madebyautistics was hacked. My one other admin and two mods have been removed. Facebook is being useless so I had to rebrand entirely and create a new page over at facebook.com/madebyautisticsgroup.

I was featured on CITR’s ALL ACCESS PASS. You can listen to me here: https://www.citr.ca/radio/all-access-pass/episode/20191030/ My Kickstart Disability Arts & Culture speech is at the 34:00 mark and my interview from the PosAbilities Inclusion Art Show is at the 16:15 mark.

These have been added to my shop at http://www.etsy.com/shop/retrophiliac

In addition to the four plaques that have been happened, there’s also all my holiday cards too. These are just a few examples:

• 

• 

Thanks to my Kickstarter backers who made these cards a reality, I was able to pack up all these cards and they will be getting distributed between 3 cat welfare organizations. They will then be able to sell and/or use the cards and keep the profits. I also am thankful that it will be an opportunity for more cat lovers to see my work.

Welllll that was a lot to cover.

Thanks for reading!

“…And it’s preying on my mind

…That there’s nothing left in my hands but time
Time don’t really care if I carry on.”

I have a few things on my mind so I figured it would be important to get it all out in the open.

Sometimes people send me an image pertaining to Autism with the best of intentions and yet the imagery is so widespread that the notion of it being offensive fails to cross the mind of the person sharing it. I do my best to write about these things in my blog but not everyone takes the time to read my articles. 

I was sent an image of hands in a handshake position that had one of the hands being disgustingly adorned by a rainbow of interlocking puzzle pieces with words like “awareness” placed over top of the neutral/skin-toned hand. 

Autism Daily Newscast

Immediately, a wave of frustration with a dash of anger washed over me. I thought I had made it very clear how I felt about these words and images used. I had even posted this image a day prior:

I had responded with a numbered list of how generally we (Autistics) don’t like skin to skin contact, that the puzzle piece is offensive and that we do not need awareness. I also linked an article titled “the ableist history of the puzzle piece”. The response I got surprised me. It was not taken well. I had to explain that Autistic people are generally fact based and that my attempt to educate had no malicious intention.

I can not sit idly by and not say anything- that just isn’t in my nature. 

On another note, I am in the process of updating my sales terms on Etsy in as many places as possible.

I am not sure how many people know about print on demand but it is a service that I utilize for the majority of my offerings.

Here’s how it works:

I upload my artwork to their website and I configure it on a number of products. The website creates a very realistic looking digital mock up of said item. I add the price, edit the description and list it on my Etsy store. The item will say “ships out of the United States” or sometimes China, depending on where it is manufactured. 

I would say that 95% of my customers live in the USA. It didn’t occur to me that “ships out of the United States” is not enough information in regards to duty. 

I purchase a lot of things from online American retailers and I also live near the British Columbia / Washington state border. Duty is something I always consider and take in to account. I have even been sent promotional items for review and had duty slapped on.

I will be adding “This item ships out of the USA. I am not responsible for duties, shipping and exchange rate incurred” on each listing. I have nearly gone through two out of five pages of listings so far. My laptop can’t handle it. 

I also need to express that some people have perhaps attempted to reach out to me through various channels and I am not always quick to respond. This is because I am still going through a lot of personal things and I am doing my best to prioritize. However, I am under a significant amount of stress and I am having a very difficult time viewing things accurately because of how clouded my thought process is. Anxiety is not easy to deal with.

I am doing my very best and trying to cope in a way that I am still able to be productive. I just need a bit of room to breathe. 

Reliving my (painful) past

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

I want to preface this post by saying that these are things i’ve experienced and at the time of writing this, I do not have a PTSD diagnosis. I, in no way, want to make those with a proper diagnosis feel less than or devalued in any way.

Often times I find myself in these dizzying spells with negative thoughts running rampant. They flood my mind: terrible, painful memories that I wish would vanish.

Discovering deceased pets, multiple instances of being bullied which included: thumbtacks, sharp side up- They would be left on my chair with an audience that consisted of my entire class, watching and waiting to see if I would notice and sit on it, purposely having dodgeballs thrown at my face, having friends-of-friends find out personal details about me and they would attempt to humiliate and berate me based on it, being excluded from birthday parties, having the whole class turn against me while the teacher was out of the room – that’s just some of the bullying that occurred during my elementary school years. Can’t forget the workplace bullying with all kinds of instances that included customers yelling at me, management making me cry or not believing things I say (I am very honest) and being fired – which was one of the most humiliating things i’ve ever lived through, co-workers being nasty to me for reasons i’ll never know.

I also can’t forget all the things my Father did: the daily verbal abuse, screaming so loud that you could hear him down the block, chasing me to my bedroom and holding the door closed so I couldn’t leave, yelling at me for questioning things he said and having friends witness his emotionally destructive behaviour which was embarrassing and continued to pile the stress on top of me. 

This is just a small portion of the hundreds, maybe thousands of memories that flow through my mind.

Even though I had the support of my Sisters and my Mum, I still felt so alone and depressed. I didn’t think I would survive so I failed to look after myself. I think sadness was one of the first emotions I remember experiencing.

I want these painful memories to subside. Easier said than done. I can’t seem to shake off things that happened as far back as I can remember. 

People often say things like “Forgive and forget”, “don’t dwell on your past”, “move on” and “live in the present”. It’s NOT THAT EASY. Diminishing the valid feelings of those who often have to suffer in silence is not something that sits well with me. It’s hard enough to allow those feelings to come to the surface, let alone feel comfortable enough with anyone to actually allow the words of pain to flow out of ones mouth. It’s a PRIVILEGE to listen to such agony. I don’t think it’s okay to interject comments telling someone to forget, move on and live in the present. It makes things worse.

I have reached out to some people that have caused me pain and forever haunt me in my memories and I was unsuccessful. I also was left feeling as though what happened was my fault. I do my best to cope.

Forgiveness is so much harder than its made out to be and it has stages that are very similar to grief. I would say that one of my biggest faults or personality flaws would be the severity of my anxiety. Many thoughts continue to haunt me, not only during my waking hours but even during my sleep.

I’m talking about those nights where my mind and my heart feel like they are racing in unison.

Trying to fall asleep, I toss and turn. Sometimes, I wake up at 3am and lay there, trying so hard to go back and sleep peacefully when my mind is at war with it’s self. My body becomes warm, clammy and my night sweats are the worst. I try to find something to think about or something to do. If one of my cats happens to be awake I will gravitate towards them; their soft hair, their therapeutic purring – it helps me stay mindful, it’s calming, it puts me at ease.

Every day is a new chapter but my story starts with pain and my book is still being written. There’s still a chance for happiness.

New ABOUT ME video!

I’m honestly not sure if my microphone even worked, it was plugged in.. Hopefully the sound is okay for my viewers!

 

Constantly Changing

I’m still heeeeeerreee guys!

Yes, I coloured my hair. Originally I wanted to try to match my dark brown roots but nope, the box colour was actually black. That’s okay though! I think it suits me. I also chopped my bangs. I have a few stray hairs and my fringe isn’t totally straight. I’m always doing something new and I get bored of how I look quite often.

We saw Bohemian Rhapsody and it was such an enjoyable film. I loved the story, the music and also all the cats. I’m almost certain Rami Malek is going to get some nominations – he was incredible.

I was interviewed by the sensory matters podcast and it should go live at the very end of the year/beginning of next year. I will post a reminder.

BONUS – Cute pictures of my cats!