Keeping busy.

How does one keep exceptionally busy when they are on the road to better self-awareness and purpose?

Well…. There’s a few ways.

  • I’ve been listing items on eBay.
  • I’ve been contemplating new content for my YouTube.
  • I’ve been cleaning. A lot.
  • I have plenty of appointments to go to and my calendar is getting fuller by the day.
  • I’ve been entering contests and forwarding emails.

You may notice none of those things on my short, tiny, pathetic list include hanging out with anyone. That’s because my social life is at a complete standstill. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I can’t seem to properly establish relationships with anyone and the nightmares of my former manager still haunt me. I was tossing and turning all night. That was traumatic.

I’d love to review items for my YouTube account but that’s another thing I seemingly know nothing about and my 58 subscribers is not appealing to any company that would want to use my social network, or lack thereof for any kind of marketing opportunity. It’s frustrating, but the dream is still alive. (well, barely)

My writing style is all over the place. I’m rusty, it’s been at least 10 years since I’ve written anything of value. I used to be so good, if I do say so myself.

Make me useful? Any pertinent endeavours to which you may need my lack of expertise? Hit me up!

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Life’s gotta be sweeter…..

I didn’t do much today. I still feel like there’s a gigantic weight on my shoulders even though I don’t have much in terms of upcoming commitments. Part of me still lacks trust for others, especially with what happened oh-so recently.

Things keep replaying in my mind, over and over, and over again. Why won’t it stop? Why can’t it stop? I wish I wouldn’t have my brain on autopilot, just repeating the bad things that have happened to me. I wish my feelings were taken in to consideration. It’s kind of funny how money really reigns king over the wellbeing of others. It’s true. You probably KNOW it’s true.

I mean, i’ll admit it. I’m cheap. Okay, cheap isn’t the NICEST word to use. Frugal. I’m very, very frugal. I need to be able to justify to myself paying full price for anything. Perhaps this is a way my anxiety and my tendencies to obsess work in my favour in this regard.

I need more ideas for youtube videos. I must start a list and then create, create, create! I am propelled to do more and to not sit here and shut up. I won’t stay quiet…

abstract series.jpg

Four pieces of art i’ve made recently.