Don’t mind me.

Me

My imperfections are many. I have scars and zits on my face, I have gained weight, my teeth are not by-any-means perfect looking. I won’t smile with my mouth opened and my knees turn in to each other. My posture SUCKS and my back is constantly in pain.

Recently my Mom asked me if I had put on weight, I answered with a resounding “YES!! Didn’t you notice?”.

Yes, I’m overweight.

I’ve gone up 1 or 2 pant sizes (depending on the brand). I’m not sure if it’s from being fired last August or starting my Anti-Depressants not that long afterwards. It took me a very, very long time to come to terms with needing to take them. I believed, wholeheartedly, that they would hurt me. (I am not talking for anyone but myself.) I realized that they do help me. I’m not sure if it’s contributed to my weight gain or if having free sugary drinks during my work has instead. I need some self control but it’s hard, considering I have quite the sweet tooth.

My social life hasn’t grown at all and the fact that i’m pushing 30 doesn’t make me think that it’s ever going to change.

I do have something to look forward to, a few hotel collaborations and some product reviews coming up as well as a potential writing gig.

I’m still learning how to balance positivity in my life and it’s honestly a lot harder then I thought it ever would be. I’m trying to keep my mind open with a goal of positive personal growth.

-Margaux

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The Best & The Worst

I’m reading “Don’t sweat the small stuff” and it explains how we should see the best in people and if they are not being positive it’s because they are dealing with something in their own life. I work with people most days and have lots of retail experience. I see people’s projecting all kinds of different moods and I remind myself that there are life experiences behind that.

I’m pretty content in my own life. Of course, I worry about finances and I don’t have anyone (but myself) to fall back on so I pinch pennies almost obsessively.

There is someone I worry about and wish I could do more for: My Family.

Specifically, My Mother, who has provided me with so much knowledge, empowerment and life.

my mom

I just found out she’s going to be evicted from the trailer she’s been living in, which belonged to her husband’s family. My Mom lost her husband last year to Cancer. She relies on food gift cards (which have been disappearing, probably stolen, before ever arriving in her mailbox) from a family service agency and can not work due to a degenerative spine disease.

I feel so powerless.

Do I crowdfund?

Do I start some kind of fundraiser?

Do I sell some art?

I wish I could win the lottery. I just want to make it all better.