I am 30.

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My Birthday was a couple days ago and I felt as though a new decade in my life deserves a tribute.

 

This past year I have felt like a lot has changed. I’m not sure if it’s for the better or if it’s just me being a persistent piece of work. I don’t feel as though i’m any different than I was as a teenager. Perhaps less of a social circle, more angry and frustrated. Less energetic and definitely more anxious. Those are not the most positive attributes but I honestly believe that i’m trying to live my best life and create some social change.

This year, I was featured in a local newspaper earlier in September. I also have multiple speaking opportunities coming up and I have done nearly 50 collaborations with various brands and attractions. My traffic to my website has increased significantly from last year (1,454 visitors in 2017 and so far 5,243 this year, apparently that’s a 260 percent increase!) which, I firmly believe, is a true testament to my hard work and fierce diligence.

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Photo by Lum3n.com on Pexels.com

I am able to express myself through art, writing, videos, and podcasts. I always said I wanted to start a blog and I feel that I am finally in the right headspace to contribute my voice to a bigger cause. I have only been diagnosed as an Autistic individual since I was 28 years old and now that i’m 30, the clarity and self-awareness continues to grow.

The hurdles I faced as an infant, child, teenager and now adult are just things I need to live with and I am so lucky to have some incredible people on this journey with me.

Older and wiser voices can help you find the right path, if you are only willing to listen.
-Jimmy Buffett

 

Don’t mind me.

Me

My imperfections are many. I have scars and zits on my face, I have gained weight, my teeth are not by-any-means perfect looking. I won’t smile with my mouth opened and my knees turn in to each other. My posture SUCKS and my back is constantly in pain.

Recently my Mom asked me if I had put on weight, I answered with a resounding “YES!! Didn’t you notice?”.

Yes, I’m overweight.

I’ve gone up 1 or 2 pant sizes (depending on the brand). I’m not sure if it’s from being fired last August or starting my Anti-Depressants not that long afterwards. It took me a very, very long time to come to terms with needing to take them. I believed, wholeheartedly, that they would hurt me. (I am not talking for anyone but myself.) I realized that they do help me. I’m not sure if it’s contributed to my weight gain or if having free sugary drinks during my work has instead. I need some self control but it’s hard, considering I have quite the sweet tooth.

My social life hasn’t grown at all and the fact that i’m pushing 30 doesn’t make me think that it’s ever going to change.

I do have something to look forward to, a few hotel collaborations and some product reviews coming up as well as a potential writing gig.

I’m still learning how to balance positivity in my life and it’s honestly a lot harder then I thought it ever would be. I’m trying to keep my mind open with a goal of positive personal growth.

-Margaux

The Best & The Worst

I’m reading “Don’t sweat the small stuff” and it explains how we should see the best in people and if they are not being positive it’s because they are dealing with something in their own life. I work with people most days and have lots of retail experience. I see people’s projecting all kinds of different moods and I remind myself that there are life experiences behind that.

I’m pretty content in my own life. Of course, I worry about finances and I don’t have anyone (but myself) to fall back on so I pinch pennies almost obsessively.

There is someone I worry about and wish I could do more for: My Family.

Specifically, My Mother, who has provided me with so much knowledge, empowerment and life.

my mom

I just found out she’s going to be evicted from the trailer she’s been living in, which belonged to her husband’s family. My Mom lost her husband last year to Cancer. She relies on food gift cards (which have been disappearing, probably stolen, before ever arriving in her mailbox) from a family service agency and can not work due to a degenerative spine disease.

I feel so powerless.

Do I crowdfund?

Do I start some kind of fundraiser?

Do I sell some art?

I wish I could win the lottery. I just want to make it all better.