Taking transit requires me to mask, even if I don’t think about it.
I am forced to take on traits that are seemingly exclusive for those who are classified as neurotypical. I have to be confident, organized and seemingly comfortable with everything around me.
The crowds, the chatter, the uneven lighting, the sound of the skytrain screeching along the tracks, the announcements, rude bus drivers, the varying smells and sometimes putrid odors. It may very well seem like i am complaining but I am constantly reminded that the world is not built for me. I am left handed and i’m autistic – which can feel like a double whammy.
Often times, when i am exposed to many different sensory inputs, I must decompress. I have to sleep a whole lot and often times I don’t feel like talking. My attention span suffers too, i can’t even sit through a 22 minute episode of a television show that I usually enjoy. I have to commend myself through the carsickness that seems to overcome me a whole lot recently.
I am constantly reminded of how hard merely existing is. It makes me incredibly fatigued.