Awake

I’ve been sleeping for over 12 hours a day. I went to bed at midnight and woke up almost at noon. I’m not sure if it’s the medication or just feeling downright miserable. It’s sometimes hard to be completely present. My self-worth has been diminished, slowly, gradually and over a duration of time that’s beyond comprehension. I know, I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I’ll definitely admit that. (It’s not for my lack of trying.)

“Breathe. Inhale, Exhale. Relax.”, An inner voice calls out to me. It’s hard for me to listen. There’s so much inner chatter and I can’t differentiate what’s positive or negative, what worries are real and which ones are fake. Constantly, I’m psyching myself out.

I’ve been twirling my hair and running my fingers through it, constantly. I’ve been picking scabs on my scalp and my face. I’ve been scratching, I’ve been sore, my eyes are dry, i’ve been profusely sweating, i’ve been exhausted. How can I be SO tired without doing anything productive?

It’s all part of this illness. It’s all part of this monster, this control, this sadness, this frustration, this anger, this uncertianty.

I feel like i’m a one person army fighting against this invisible war.

I might feel that way, but what I do know is that i’m not alone.

What’s your story?

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