Years may go on…

..but words still hurt and the pain lingers.

closeup photography of loser scrabble letter

Photo by Shamia Casiano on Pexels.com

I believe in the power of words. Whether it’s for good or bad, words linger. The power you can have over someone else’s emotions and personal strength is more impactful then you probably realize. That being said, tomorrow is my birthday and today I feel a bit crestfallen.

15 years, 20 years or 25 years, does the timeline really matter if you still feel the same way that you did when that person said or did that hurtful thing to you? Does time invalidate the pain or the ability to make things right with someone who you may have said incredibly distressing things to? No. Never.

You have time to make things right; time to heal those who you have wounded.

I feel like a fool sometimes for reaching out to those people and try to give them a chance to make amends, clear the air and have a positive interaction with me — but some of those people would rather make it seem like I am the one at fault; like I deserved it.

Reliving these terrible instances is a horrible way to live. Oh, and not only live, but sleep, dream or even have nightmares about it. Why are some worthy of respect from these individuals, even friends of mine, and yet I’m not? I don’t know if it’s because I’m wired differently, because I’m neurodiverse or because my skin isn’t as thick as it could be. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I spent so many years crying and being ‘beat up’ emotionally by those around me, including a family member who should have set a good example. The term “emotional punching bag” comes to mind.

DoodleBeth illustrates it perfectly. It was truly kismet to see this images yesterday.

If someone gives you the chance to make things right, please don’t insinuate that the victim is the one to blame when given the chance to make things right:

“I am sorry you harboured this feeling for so long. i’m not sure if I can give you the response that you wanted – but I do hope you can mend that hole.”

 

In conclusion:

Please make amends with those you may have hurt.
Your words are more powerful than you realize.
Be kind.

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New Thrift Haul Video!

Would love if you could watch this & if you’re able to, please subscribe!

-Margaux

My Thoughts on VegExpo 2018 Vancouver

I’ve been a Vegetarian for roughly 15 years, so naturally i’ve wanted to go to VegExpo. It was incredibly busy! You had to push past part of the crowds to get anywhere so that was a bit tedious. The fact I had the chance to connect with brands that I already love, taste delicious new treats and be immersed in a space with likeminded people made it completely worth it. They had over 200 vendors. The location was the Vancouver Convention Centre and it ran from 10 until 5pm. We got there at around 10:15, waited in line for about 15 minutes and got in at 10:30. We stayed for 3 hours and I’m really happy we went early. As the day went on it just kept getting busier. It’s really nice to see something of this calibre be such a success.

Back when I was employed in the retail health food sector, I had the privilege of going to CHFA. This, being a show open to the public and not just exclusive to retailers and wholesalers, was, well, very different: The demographic and the approach by companies was more tailored to their customer base. It was interesting to compare and contrast.

I was really happy that I was able to talk a bit about my story and connect with brands that seem to align with my vision and values. I hope this gives me some opportunities for some great taste test videos (did you see this one?)!

 

Here are the brands/companies/associations that I mention in my video above: 

I can’t wait to taste some of the goodies i’ve brought home.

Are you following a strict diet? Are you Vegan or Vegetarian or have food aversions? I’d love to hear about your story!

Thank you so much for your continued support,

Margaux

 

2 NEW Videos!

New Videos: Chewigem & LipSense!

Oops! I posted these videos on youtube and of course, being slightly absent minded, I completely forgot to post them here.

Keeping my values in check.

Photo on 2018-02-26 at 8.19 AM

I’m almost gritting my teeth as I write this. It’s always experiences that prompt me to go on these informative rants (if you want to call it that) and let it all flow.

I was recently contacted by someone who runs a charity event to benefit a local Autism Centre. She asked me if there was any way I wanted to be involved and immediately I got quite defensive and a bit angry. I should have controlled my emotions a bit better but it was seemingly obvious that she had not viewed any of my content prior to contacting me.

She told me they raised over 200,000 in the past for this centre with their different events. That’s all well and good until you see who one of the main sponsors is for the centre.

AUTISM SPEAKS CANADA.

Anyone who knows me or has viewed my content has probably seen how outspoken I am against them. Just look up “Boycott Autism Speaks”  on google and you’ll yield 266,000 results! There are plenty of reasons as to why I will not be involved in ANYTHING that is remotely linked to them. I have values and self-respect.

The conversation went like this:

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Do you really want to help the Autistic community? I’m always quite disheartened by the fact that so many of these opportunities are laden with no information OR misinformation. It makes getting the message of advocacy/activism/equality/rights much harder to convey.

If you want to donate funds, here’s some things you can do:

  • Contact your local Autistic Meetup group and ask what they need
  • Support Autistic individuals by purchasing their art or offerings
  • Make a donation to http://autisticadvocacy.org

If you are reading this and you have more ideas of what would be essential to my list, please leave a comment or get in touch.

Margaux

” Autistic burnout is real guys and i’m feeling it real bad.”

I tweeted this out yesterday and I am still feeling the same way today.

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Explaining it to people is devastatingly hard. I commend the attempt at understanding but unless you’ve experienced it yourself, you never know. For me, the exhaustion kicks in, both mentally and physically. The light sensitivity happens and being able to see gets increasingly difficult. Trying to be social is virtually impossible and continues to drain energy that is barely left. I get goosebumps, I physically look ‘drained’. My attempt at tasks that require my fine motor skills becomes a course in ‘how many times can I fail?’

Autistic burnout isn’t a made up thing- I just wish it was easier to explain to people. It’s not an excuse and it’s not like I consciously (or unconsciously) decided to be perceived as lazy or unreliable. There’s such thing as ‘too much’ and I feel as though that’s where i’m at.

This happens to me, and i’ve documented it before:

 

#AutisticVoicesFirst

Autism Speaks. It's Time to Listen.

When I realized that Autism Speaks slogan was “It’s time to listen”, my heart sank.

I honestly felt like I broke in to a thousand little pieces that no one could pick up. It was the feeling of grief. The more I research, the more I realize how much Autistic voices matter.

The CEO of Autism Speaks is someone who has experience managing different health related foundations. Her name is Angela Geiger. As far as I can tell – She is NOT Autistic.

Autism Speaks Canada is headed up by Jill Farber and she has spent 15 years as a private consultant specializing in ABA. She is NOT Autistic.

It’s important for the verbal portion of the Autism community to speak up for not only us but for our nonverbal brothers and sisters. After all, we know best. This is who we are in every aspect of our being.

Wouldn’t it be nice for Autism Meetup groups and self-advocacy networks to have funding and get provided devices and tools to make life easier? Frustratingly enough, most companies need a “front” to do so. By that I mean a “charitable” organization with whom to “partner” with so it looks like they’re doing a DAMN amazing thing to benefit those who need it most. Why can’t they do it without the publicity or without a partnership? Money- simply put! Advertising is key. Looking good to those who are uneducated on the subject increases profit margins and a veil of “doing good”.

Let’s PUT #AutisticVoicesFirst

 

Why ‘Bell Let’s Talk’ doesn’t sit well with me.

I want to make it evidently clear that I am all for mental health awareness and supporting related causes. I have always struggled and believe that funding is entirely necessary.

Bell is a Canadian Telecommunications giant. For one day each year, the #BellLetsTalk campaign overtakes social media, with Olympian Clara Hughes as their Spokeswoman.

They make sure you are aware of the campaign through every advertising platform imaginable. I can’t imagine the money they put in to advertising alone.

They utilize the hashtag to get their customers and even non-customers talking about it to which they make a donation to their own fund.

I just don’t think this is the right way to do it. I have most definitely had real-life disagreements on this subject as well.

Here’s why I don’t think it’s okay:

  1. According to Forbes, Bell Canada (BCE) has a market cap of 40.5 Billion Dollars.
  2. Bell’s employees do not get equal or fair treatment in regards to their own mental health. CBC has written about this and there are various other articles online too.
  3. They have various ways you can get involved and they donate 5 cents to different initiatives. As far as I am concerned, they can make a sizeable donation without using the hashtag to, essentially, get very cheap marketing for their brand.
  4. The Bell Community Fund has a financial cap of $25,000 and has all kinds of exclusions including: Anti-stigma projects and event sponsorships etc.

I believe we should get to the point where talking about our mental health is a regular thing we can participate in and completely free of judgment. I don’t believe it is right to capitalize on mental health/wellness/illness for financial gain. I also don’t think it should be segregated to one day of the year that is decided on by a multi-billion dollar telecommunications giant.

Let’s talk about it, I think we need a new hashtag.

#LetsTalkAboutMentalHealth maybe?

Margaux

Disclaimer: This is my own opinion and should not reflect the brands or companies I have graciously partnered with.

My Story: Part 1

I was born near the end of the 80s. A time of plenty.

My entrance in to the world was a rocky one. I was born with a couple of birth defects and had surgery shortly after I was born. I had another surgery months (or weeks?) later.

I grew up in an upper class neighbourhood (in Vancouver, BC Canada) in a big pink house that wasn’t much older than me with my family being the very first owners. The houses surrounding us were mostly heritage homes, few of which are still standing today.

I attended a religion-based private/community school from Nursery 3 up until the 6th grade. It was horrible and I spent nearly every day crying. I’d start my day with a sense of dread, spend the middle of the day battling with my own self esteem as those around me diminished it any chance they got. I’d come home and have one of my parents ask me how school was or what I did. It was the last thing I wanted to answer and I would get scolded for being evasive.

I then transferred to a private school and the very same problems followed me there. 6th grade and part of the 7th grade. I wanted to vanish, forever. The kids were just as cruel but they didn’t spend 9 years of their lives growing up with me- not that it made any kind of difference.

I transferred schools again, this time it was a multi-modal program with another very high price tag for me to attend (yes, the last two schools definitely cost notable chunks of change). I had made a couple of friends, but I still felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there. I wasn’t sure where I would ever fit in. This time, it was a couple of teachers that I clashed with. Mr. H – he got mad at me through my ’emo’ years for wearing a spiked bracelet. He told me it was banned and that I was NEVER to wear it again. I kept asking why? What was wrong with it? I didn’t get a solid answer. I was very upset. I went to the office and the receptionists were talking about me right behind my back. I called my Mom and within NO TIME at all she came to the school and confronted the teacher. She asked him, point-blank, if he thought it was some kind of “S&M thing” and he wouldn’t say anything! She then confronted the receptionists and they admitted they were talking about me.

I love my Mom so much, she’s always been my #1 and ALWAYS been there for me. She’s my best friend.

The second teacher, Mr. F was the art teacher. He told me once that all my art looked the same and constantly excluded me from events that were meant for everyone. It was a struggle to KNOW that i was purposely left out.

This is Part 1 of my story. If you’re interested in knowing more, please let me know.

Love,

Margaux